Whenever I come back to Hong Kong, I will inevitably find myself in deep conversations. Perhaps its because its hard to keep friends nowadays who do not share beyond the superficials, and again and again I find that it is by being back ‘home’ do I find myself placed back in perspective what it is I am living for. But again, it is by being back home do I find myself (or perhaps realise that for all my life I have been) compromising my sense of justice, morals and ethics to fit myself right back into society.
I find that those who are very good friends of mine are people who know very well what they want in life. Whenever I meet up with them, we always plunge into deep conversations. Is it just me? Or is it just that I meet interesting people? I don’t know. Perhaps they just take their time out to think: “Who are you?” and “What do you want?” These are 2 questions Tim told me are essentially the only 2 questions you ever need to ask to find out who they are. If you were to ask me those 2 questions now I might find it difficult to answer you. Indeed, I find myself coming back and back to this point where I feel that I have come too far from who I was that I feel I cannot go back.
In the pursuit for happiness. That is what we all want at the end of the day. What is the difference between Gandhi and a hippie from the 60s who experiments happiness with drugs? What really matters at then end?
Its getting increasingly difficult to get rid of this lust for materialism. Whether it is the latest handset, a new monitor or the stocks which rises the most overnight. We are no longer satisfy with what we have. Lately I have even started to “invest” in the stock market. It is another sign that I have compromised my sense of morality for something temporary. If you think about it - it is very stupid and perhaps that is the ultimate proof for satan. Slowly and slowly I feel that I am exchanging my conscience with something which won’t last. What we take away at the end of the day is not how much we earned in monetary terms, how much respect we have from our friends and family etc. What we take away is our faith, our ideas and our conscience. Indeed since many years ago, I have been trading this for illusion, lust and hollowness within myself.
I guess what I am taking away from last night conversation is that life is not that easy. In our choice, we often take the most convenient one - but is it the most right one? I have unilaterally decided to stay away from the stock market (I am sure it would be against my parent’s wish.) But I do believe that I will be happier to know what I have rather than what I will have. In doing so, I will become of something of certainty rather than of illusions. I urge you, those of you who haven’t done so yet (including myself), just to think about these 2 questions: “Who are you?” and “What do you want?”