Intense, unexpected suffering passes more quickly than suffering that is apparently bearable; the latter goes on for years and, without our noticing, eats away at our soul, until, one day, we are no longer able to free ourselves from the bitterness and it stays with us for the rest of our lives.
~ Introduction of The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
I met an old friend of mine, probably one of my oldest friends from early primary school. He told me I must read this book. Now going into pupillage, Lester told me to follow my dreams. Everyone back in Hong Kong is either practicing Law or Architecture. Those who I knew was doing Engineering had either dropped out or turned to the dark side, aka i-banking. Those of us sitting around that table doing A-level Religious Studies had all gone our way, and for those who had made the choice of turning to science, I think for me anyway, feel that there is something missing in my life.
I believe that we all take roads for a reason. I have come here for a reason. What I am proud of is the fact that I am about to finish this road. It had led me to a world where dreams were fulfilled (going to Japan), led me to leave behind my footprint (ICMUN) and finally fulfilling this challenge (graduating from EE in Imperial). Yet, I don’t seem to be satisfied. I am wondering whether I, like Coehlo said in this little part of his introduction to this book, have become bitter? I believe there is a strong bitterness within myself. Have I lost my soul?
Cedric kept asking me whether I enjoyed my time in Hong Kong, and yet I was unable to answer him. Last time talking to Livia online, I have come to realised that I am lost - perhaps lost for a general direction. Tomorrow, as I am going to board my plane back to the UK, all I can say about this 2 weeks of staying in Hong Kong is that I am more lost for what I want. Back in UK, for the next 2 months anyway, there is only one thing in my mind: Graduation.
Am I amplifying my existence? But I believe that God has given me a skill - and that skill is to be able to think. I have been born a thinker, and yet right now I am stuck in a world where I am trained to be a robot. But I guess Oscar Wilde is right in saying that “each man kills the thing he loves.” For me, I have killed my love of knowledge - afterall isn’t that what philosopher is?
I hope I haven’t depressed you with this post. I am merely fighting in my head. Tomorrow will be a better day.