âWith no disrespect, you are like a convert to me.â That was what my ustad (Arabic for teacher) said to me. I canât fault what he said nor do I try to pretend otherwise. Most religions say that they are more of a way of life than a religion. Having been a âquote-on-quote Muslimâ for a long time, I am starting to scratch the surface of the Islamic way of life. From dogmatic jurisdictions, to mystical stories of prophetic traditions, to personal hygiene (I.e. How to clean yourself after using the toilet), there are so much I have to learn.
The half-Chinese-half-Pakistani me is trying to connect the two sides. Being called a non-Chinese by my Chinese friends and Chinese by my Pakistani friends, I have always been living in a constant battle of acceptance and denial. More so nowadays with ever closer bonds I try to make with my Pakistani side. Whenever I go to Oxford to meet the Hong Kong people, I canât help but be reminded of home. The language, the topic of discussions, the sense of humourâŚit is all there. It is like home away from home. Whenever I hang out with my Pakistani friends, I am reminded of my greater purpose of life, the love for God and His messengers, the responsibility as a âmanâ. Before, I would always consider myself a Chinese with a different skin colour, but now I canât ignore my Pakistani side, and I canât help but see the greatness in both sides.
In a way, I am the best of both worlds but also the outcast of both worlds. I will never be truly accepted as a full Chinese nor will I ever be truly accepted as a full Pakistani. I am trying my best. I am trying to be two wholes rather that two halves.
This reminds me of Quran class when I sit with an Arab from Libya and ustad telling me my Arabic reading is not as good as my Arab colleague. YesâŚI am a bloody Chinese-Pakistani who is trying to learn my fifth language!!!! Having said that, I was learning Japanese with Japanese people in my class. You got to be pushed to learn.
I love my encounterments in life