From the core fundamentals to the inconspicuous trivialities, having a field manual for the fine art of socialising would come in handy (although frankly impractical), and when it doesnāt exist one is thrust into having to trust the common senses and powers of minutiae observation in the unforgiving world of judgemental socialites.
How do you interpret dress codes ā they leave so much to the imagination? How should you hold wine glasses? How should you consume those mini Ć©clairs and quiche Lorraine such that your mouth is kept unstuffed enough to elegantly carry out a conversation? Should you put your handbag in front, at the side, or at the back, when you take a group photo, and where should you stand in relation to those very important people? How many variations can you come up for āpleased to meet youā without sounding monotonous after a while? After you have conveniently broken away from a boring or awkward conversation to get piece of serviette, should you go back to mingling with the same if you notice from the corner of your eye that heās still standing there alone? If someone is making a speech and the others are still chattering away, is it acceptable to shhh from the corner of your lips? How do you execute the perfect namecard exchange when you only have one free hand?
Not a total stranger to these settings, but not entirely at ease, either. I watch my parents and how they move about so fluidly, so naturally, fluttering from one ambassadorial couple to the next. I watch others and start classifying them by their behaviours into the veterans and the newbies, the animated posers and the bored, the Machiavellian and the sincere. Itās so interesting that I could people-watch all night, given the chance, but that would be an activity for the airport departure lounge and not during events like this.
Itās easy enough to start: after the basic introductions, thereāll be questions of geographical upbringing and educational background. From there I continue talking on autopilot, asking harmless questions, giving harmless answers, while the brain races on ahead to conjure an intellectual, conversational riposte to something or another that has caught my mindās eye. When it works and things go click, the next few minutes can be beautifully rewarding. It is these revelations of deeper insights that I seek in conversations with people, more so if they are a respectable figure of standing. But thatās quite rare though. Most of these people, firstly, would seldom see fit to hover around the littlebeings such as myself. And secondly, even if they do, it is unlikely that Iād have warmed up to the evening enough to make the best of the encounter. I frequently find myself shuttling back and forth between the buzz corner andā¦ the drinks bar.
I also wonder if I would ever get to the stage where Iād have the chance, in future, to attend these functions on my own accord. I wonder if I would want to, or if I would want to be able to, in the first place. These are such tedious affairs!