Redefinition
We didn't realise this, and we didn't acknowlege this… but did we see it coming? My worst fears have come true… or are they my worst? Or OUR fears? The truth is plain to see - that we are growing apart. And horridly there is nobody to blame but our lifestyles - work, commitment, moving out etc etc… I still speak as if it is my family, and we still behave as if it is our family. But where has the enthusiasm gone? I myself am guilty in this respect, but perhaps because it seemed as if nobody cared.
I can still say without hesitation, "London is my second home." But can I talk about London in the same way three years from now? Do I miss everyone there? I don't think I'd be honest with myself if I said I did dreadfully. Because the truth is, I don't think about London that often. I saw a purpose of my one year in London, and I have prepped myself psychologically for what is to come and what is. Perhaps a little too much, such that I now am glad that I am living on my own. Honestly, I couldn't take living like a student anymore. It is not the people, it is about me having my own space. And the need for that ever slight distance, that reservation between friends, that space when you cool off your emotions after a hard day's work. Because you tend to depend on others when it lasts.
I am not the least bit disappointed, but perhaps confused. What is Qugee to me now? Does it need a redefinition? This certainly doesn't entail a withdrawl, but perhaps there needs to be a redefinition, along with priorities. Perhaps one should start with what Qugee is? What does it mean to each of us? Oddly enough, I'm not panicking, neither am I upset. It seems to me a natural progression towards a cooling off of relations, one that can neither be dealt with because of physical, geographical isolation, nor can be improved because of priorities and commitments.
